we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
