I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
