It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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