Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
