I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
