help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
