Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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