Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You're a waste of cheezeits
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
