I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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