I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
did you just send me my own nude
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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