Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
