Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
someone owes me an orgasm
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
