I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
