Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize