...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
