I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
