Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
