put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
