I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
