You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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