soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
