she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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