spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
