She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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