It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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