his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
