My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I could fuck to npr.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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