Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
lol hangovers are for mortals.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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