Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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