So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
