Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
