i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
