I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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