careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
