Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
