I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
