Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
