where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
