We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
