i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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