Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
