gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
