I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
