I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
