i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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