I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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