we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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