My room smells like vodka and shame
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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