Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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