i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
dude. I can hear the air.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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