I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My bed smells like the plague
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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