He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
