dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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