I'll bet she douches with gravy.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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