she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
