I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
