I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
