My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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