Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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