I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
