I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
