I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
