No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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