Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
