Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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