shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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