yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he puts the penis in happiness.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
